Enzo Attanassio - Joey’s father patriarch of the Attanasio “family” Lots of jewelry. A second generation guy, but holds to Italian cultural traditions. Enzo is a diversified businessman and close associate of Tony Contralto, Northern New Jersey’s Mafia boss.
Tony Contralto - (Always carrying a cigar) Close business associate of Enzo Attanasio. Mafioso. See’s Enzo’s inability to control Joey and Eileen as a sign of weakness. Has his eye on Enzo’s wife, Bubbles.
Eileen O’Shannahan - Her family owns an Irish pub in eastern Pennsylvania. Though she has worked in the family business all her life, she has branched out into internet dating in recent years. Though she is feminine and genteel on the outside, she’s highly intelligent, and competitive. Her high profile is ill regarded by the traditional goombas in Joey’s family. Her company, eMate.com, has been successfully connecting couples for two years. The business is definitely on the rise. And actually, she met Joey, when he registered for the service.
Fiona O’Shannahan - Eileen’s step-mother. The life of the party. Everything is “wonderful” She’s the hostess with the mostess at the Olde Celtic Tavern. Likes to flirt with the customers. Thrives on being the center of attention. She is conflicted regarding the wedding. She is relieved in the notion that Eileen may be less of an influence on Mickey. At the same time she is jealous of all the attention the wedding has given Eileen. She has engaged in an illicit relationship with her step-son. She has also engaged in a sporadic sexual liaison with Enzo.
Mickey O’Shannahan - Eileen’s father. A widower, he’s struggled for years to make a go of his business. He’s happy for Eileen’s decision to marry, but is concerned about losing such an important business resource.
Colin O’Shannahan - Mickey’s son. Slow to catch on. Not much get up and go. Has tried more than a few get rich quick schemes. Is in trouble with loansharks.
Bubbles La Bimbette Attanassio - Enzo’s 3rd wife. Former exotic dancer. Gum chewer and very loud. As sexy as she is to look at, she tends to defeat all of that when she starts talking. Enzo is on automatic pilot to his special place when she talks. This annoys Bubbles and has caused her to encourage Tony in his advances toward her.
Joseph Attanassio - The groom. Nice guy, head over heels in love with Eileen. His family is disappointed in that he has not taken up the “business” His father, Enzo, is continually pressuring him. In addition, Joey’s intentions of working for Eileen at eDate.com has sparked ridicule from Enzo and Grandma Santolla.
Grandma Santolla- Matriarch of the Attanassio family. Strong woman who can reduce Enzo to a kitten with a look. Flamboyant….Italian accent. Tends to smack people upside the head. Likes to dance. Not too old to flirt and grab ass.
Kathleen O’Dare - Eileen’s best friend and maid of honor. Has a bit of a drinking problem. Though she considers herself a friend to Eileen, she has also had a crush on Joey. In fact, she had a one night fling with him, shortly after Eileen and Joey started dating. In actuality, she is obsessed with Joey. Eileen doesn’t know about this.
Lieutenant Al/Alice Giordello - A wedding guest called into action after the whacking.
Tj The Dj - Provides the music and makes period announcements during the reception. Also serves as “Host”