Jingle Bell Murders (Ho! Ho! You're Dead!)


Dr. Rufus Justahfony: Founder, president, and CEO of F-Mate.Com. An over-the-top, pseudo self-help guru, with his hands in everyone’s pockets. Bought his Ph. D. from a Miami mail-order house. Portrays a friendly public persona, but in reality is a nasty, degenerate SOB.

Demi Natri: Executive director of F-Mate.com. She is second in command. Highly motivated and professional. She‘s the real brains behind the outfit. Domineering personality.

Ginine Wadsworth Justahfony: Rufus’ longsuffering, neglected wife. Her family’s money has financed F-Mate.com. Meek and mild on the outside, but there may be a tiger on the inside. Seems to have a drinking problem.

Bouregard R. Tumwater: Good ole’ boy from Mississippi. Met his wife and “soul mate” on F-Mate.com. Limited vocabulary. Into traditional country music.

Hazel Goldenfarb Tumwater: Bouregard’s wife and “perfect match”. Outgoing and loud. Into showtunes. Something very “Liza” about her.

Kirk Stewart: Star Trek fan looking for love. What more need be said?

Peter PennsigneR: An upbeat, personable single who tends to live vicariously through DVD’s and comic books. Since his therapist has recommended that he get out of his room occasionally, he’s decided to check-out F-Mate.com.

Patricia Peelemoff: Owner of the Curtainsville Inn. Former stripper, who has come out of retirement to entice potential bookers of the Inn. Comes across as somewhat limited, but it’s all part of the act.

Daisy Ditzel: Inn waitress. Young and underwhelming. No people skills. A brain void--- of creative thought.

Lola Loveloaf: Patricia’s accountant and business manager. A born-again nymphomaniac.

Harry Heiney: Recently divorced, pretentious slug. Vain and obnoxious. Sells used cars. He’s here to give some “lucky” girl the gift of a lifetime: himself.

Paula Primprude: Low key personality. Thinks most men are disgusting. Looking for someone with whom she can engage in good clean fun, such as impersonating historical characters.

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Jingle Bell Murders (Ho! Ho! You're Dead!)

The Curtainsville Inn is gearing up for its busiest time of year. With the an ever increasing competition for the holiday party market, the Inn is determined to nab it's fair share of the pie. Among its potential revelers is F-Mate.com, a dating service promising soul mates on demand. As the Inn staff and F-Maters gear up for what all anticipate as a joyful yuletide celebration, a sense of intrigue permeates the atmosphere. A jealous look! An off-the-cuff remark! A veiled threat! Suddenly shots ring out. What begins as an evening of merriment, quickly turns hysterically ugly.