at the radio station


Chucky-In-The-Morning- WVRC morning man and sales manager.  Seemingly friendly and affable on the air, Chucky is an arrogant and obnoxious bore in the real world. Thrice divorced, he's always looking to score with the ladies.  In addition to providing him with high sales commissions, the annual Ultimate Country Sweetheart Contest provides Chucky (AKA Silas Sunkensac) an open season for sexual belt notching.

Richard Lickadik- Radio station manager and news director.  Essentially out of touch with almost everything, he's a nice guy with no business sense. His newscasts tend to be about very obscure and irrelevant topics.

Joan Buuteebunn- Office manager/bookkeeper at WVRC. Highly efficient, well organized and very ambitious.  Often attempts to make herself look good at the expense of others.  Secretly addicted to porn.

Therese Testicruncher.- A finalist in the Ultimate Country Sweetheart contest. She  possesses an extremely domineering personality and takes no prisoners whatsoever. In this tough economy, her main source of support is arm-wrenching and heel stomping. 

Justin Junkindingle--Former high school football hero, he's been down on his luck since graduation......fifteen years ago.  Still loves to recall the good old days on the gridiron and still waiting for his ride.  Has nominated his girlfriend Tory for the Ultimate Country Sweetheart contest, in hopes that her success might turn his luck around.

Tory Tonsiltuck--Former high school cheerleader, and finalist in the Country sweetheart contest.  Her name has been etched on many a men's room wall, but still, she is totally true blue to her boyfriend, Justin (well, sometimes)

Elwood Monstacockewicz.--Unlikely Waste Management executive.   Not really a "family" man in the tradition of Tony Soprano, Elwood is into poetry.   He met his wife, Bella, following a poetry reading at Curtainsville Community College.  After the reading Bella insisted on measuring Elwood's inseam.  In something akin to an offer he couldn't refuse, Elwood married Bella the next day.

Bella Ponciabello-Monstacockewicz--Italian Princess who wants to be a Country Sweetheart.  The daughter of the late Tony (The Fish) Ponciabello, Bella has inherited control of most of the North Jersey territory, following her father's sad demise involving a concrete truck. 

Heady Hummermilf.-  Up until now, the mostly absentee owner of WVRC radio.  She has appointed her step-son Richard, to manage the station, but she's become increasingly concerned about the company's financial downturn.  Heady has a bitter history with Chucky-In-The-Morning.

Sheriff Dolores Dingdoinge- Duly elected sheriff of Curtainsville County.  She is one of the judges in the Ultimate Country Sweetheart Contest. Gastrointestinal issues.

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murder at the radio station

WVRC, Curtainsville New Jersey's popular local radio station, is in high gear for its annual Ultimate Country Sweetheart contest.  Not only is this the station's most popular promotion, it's also WVRC's most lucrative sales generator. After weeks of preliminaries, the field of contestants has been whittled down to the final three.  Country fans from far and near have gathered for the Sweetheart Showdown, the spectacular event, culminating in the crowning of the Ultimate Country Sweetheart.  But all is not as jovial as one would think.  In fact, something seems terribly wrong.  The table is surely set for an evening of mystery, mayhem and maybe even murder.