Characters:
Belinda Buttaface- A very loud bingo player. She insists on dominating the conversation...loudly. We also suspect that she dominates her current boyfriend, Craig. Belinda is quite attractive but spraypaints on her make-up...a very hard look.
Heidi Heiney- Oft-divorced, she's still looking for love. Quite flirty. Enjoy's showing off her posterior at every opportunity. Likes to wear tight pants...!
Queenie Dramameeney- Purchases her wardrobe at garage sales. Not much of a color sense. Enjoys the dramatic life. She loves to fan the flames of personal conflicts among the bingo crowd.
Fanny Fortunato- The resident Yenta of the hall. She lives to gossip. Knows everything about everybody. Becomes incensed, if anyone scoops her.
Granny Gravelgrit- Has been playing bingo for forty years. Quite bitter because she rarely wins. Accuses the game of being rigged. Has been a very heavy smoker her whole life, to which her voice is testimony. The smoking ban has made her even more crabby than usual. She often exits the room to smoke.
Rocky Allball- The bingo caller. Quite a celebrity among the bingo crowd. Very much taken with himself. Often checking himself out in any and all reflective surfaces.
Craig Kisslebutt- Do-gooder in charge of the bingo hall. Thinks it's his ticket to heaven. Is currently dating Belinda with whom he is totally smitten. Fudd-like speech impediment.
Kenny Itchabutt (no relation to above) - A regular at the bingo hall. Usually arrives directly from his job at the sanitary landfill, where he is employed as a sanitation engineer-supervisor. Yes, he renders a distinctive odor. He also tends to scratch himself in inappropriate places. He's frustrated in his unsuccessful search for a soulmate.
Leo Liberachi- A fine fellow, who lives for bingo night. He also loves to shop, and enjoys parading his wardrobe as he sings appropriate showtunes. Just one of the girls...guys....whatever.
Francesco Fuhghettaboutit- Jersey wiseguy. He's big, tough and intimidating, but speaks in a shrill falsetto. He also gets very confused at the game and tends to "Bingo" prematurely.
Larry LaForz- Security guard for the St. Augustines. Big on rules and procedures. Likes everything in neat piles. A control freak really. As things fall apart at Bingo night, so does he.
Henry and Myrtle Schwartz-Sickeningly sweet married couple. They are barfingly complimentary to each other. They tend to complete each others's sentences. Bingo regulars, they arrive in matching outfits. They do little chants and rituals for good luck. Their lives are driven by bingo. They have also recently graduated together from a detective correspondence school.
Sister Daniel Patrica- St. Auggie nun who thinks she's Vanna White. Very demonstrative. She carries a ruler to keep the players in line.
Father Angelo O'Shea- Jovial pastor of St. Auggies. We suspect that he sometimes over-tests the communion wine.
Polly/Esther Yingyangski- Siamese twins who are highly competitive with each other. Polly has recently broken up with her boyfriend, Ronnie, who has now started calling on Esther. Polly is highly organized and linear, while Esther is global and spontaneous.
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