Characters:
Stanley Kissbutter: Class president. Editor of the yearbook. Band president. He knows how to shmooze. He is a successful insurance salesman. Married to Joyce.
Joyce Fridgidaire Kissbutter: Valedictorian. Literary magazine. National Honors Society. Community college teacher. Alumni chairwoman. Bored. Has a drinking problem.
Mike Machissmo: Captain of the football team. Scholarship man. Quit school after eligibility. Lots of failed schemes. “Temporarily” works at the Big Depot.
Sheila Snatchett: Class flirt (at least) Very successful real estate agent. Provides highly personalized attention to her clients.
Sister Gilmer Anastasia: Beloved English teacher at St. Sebastian On The Delaware High School. Has been experiencing mental episodes in recent years. Without warning she suddenly slips into Monica Lewinsky, and then, just as abruptly, returns to dear old Sister Gilmer.
Tony Cosomono: Beneath the radar in high school. Quiet, shy. Was in the cooking club. Now, a multi-millionaire with a global cappuccino franchise. Speaks with a stammer.
Meredith Leathernest: Tony’s date. She didn’t attend St. Sebastian On The Delaware. Clearly, she possesses a dominating personality.
Sissy Sweetspirit Rester: Once a cheerleader, always a cheerleader (not that there’s anything wrong with that.) She’s still very enthusiastic about almost anything that’s inconsequential. Teaches health and phys. ed. at St. Sebastian On The Delaware.
Randy Rester: Married to Sissy. Her opposite. Bad-ass in high school. Now, no enthusiasm about anything at all. Sells meat out of his car.
Steven Sprocket: Flamboyant proprietor of the Curtainsville Grove, site of the reunion. Was the star of the St. Sebastian On The Delaware wrestling team. Now idolizes and emulates Emeril Lagasse.
Conchita Bonita: Her real name is Marlena Weisman. As a child she rejected her Jewish heritage, and concocted a Puerto Rican name and background. She was always on the outs in high school, never traveled with the in-crowd, She fashioned herself after Anita (Rita Moreno) in West Side story. She still breaks out in the West Side score quite regularly. She is a highly decorated homicide detective.
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