The Rehearsal Dinner Murders


Harry Hawkins- The best man. Corporate Manager of Micro-Loft. Over the top salesman type. Ruthless. Phony Baloney. Wears a bad toupee. Has been the object of Willamina's flirtations for quite some time. He's Wally's boss at Micro-Loft.

Wally Schwabs- Geeky groom. Quite pleasant, but clueless. Anal retentive. PC guy. Works in technical support at Micro-Loft . Met Willamina here. Code Monkey. Stutters, but only around Willamina. He might resemble John Hodgman.

Willamina Phates- The not-so-blushing bride. She's been around the block. Driven by a personal agenda in everything. Shallow and narcissistic. Eventual heir to the Micro-Loft empire. Lives on a substantial yearly allowance from her father. Everything else is in a trust fund which she cannot access. She is quite resentful of the fact that her father has dedicated much of his legacy to a charitable foundation.

Phil Phates- Willamina's father. Owner of Micro-Loft. Quite nerdy but essentially well intentioned. Nasal. Brilliant, but detached. Philanthropic to the chagrin of Willamina and Harry.

Cherry Arbor Phates- Phil's third wife. Sex addict with a drinking problem. Former hooker, "reformed" by Reverend Abel Package of the Wild Turkey Reformed Ministry. Second in line to the Micro-Loft fortune.

Steve Schwabs- Wally's father. Cool, confident, creative and self-assured. Global. Quite the opposite of his son. Disappointed in the limitations Wally has placed upon himself. Suspicious of Willamina. Jeans, turtleneck, white earbuds.

Shirley Schwabs- Wally's mother. The epitome of an overprotective mom. Tends to speak in baby-talk. Open disdain for Willamina.

John Appleseed- Groomsman. Wally's friend since childhood. Double dated to the prom. Totally cool. Recent graduate of the Hoboken School of Detective Arts. Might resemble Justin Long.

Sheila Shalotsky - Maid of Honor. Scheming, conniving, self-absorbed biatch (but a cheerful, outgoing personality.) Historically "used" by Willamina. Outwardly loyal, she is in reality, quite jealous of Willamina's long-term prospectus.

Julie Twirler - Geek/Bridesmaid. Wally's friend and co-worker in tech-support. Willamina reluctantly agreed to Wally's request that Julie be included in the wedding party, after Willamina's college roommate, Muffy, bailed, due to rehab restrictions.

The Right Reverend Abel Package - Pastor and CEO of The Wild Turkey Reformed Ministry. Specializing in righteous counseling on a personal, one-to-one basis. Rev. Abel has been retained to perform the wedding ceremony. His ministry is a direct beneficiary of the Phates Philanthropic Phoundation.

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The Rehearsal Dinner Murders

Everyone was excited about the pending nuptial of Willamina Phates, heiress to the Micro-Loft technology fortune. Friends and relatives had gathered from near and far to attend the splendid rehearsal dinner on the eve of the big day. But as the guests arrived it became clear that all was not as festive as it appeared. Suddenly there entered the blue screen of death! Macs and PCs will finally agree: The Rehearsal Dinner Murders will download your audience with tears of joy.