Kelly Star Doomshot- Champion rodeo rider and queen of cowboy karaoke. Ruthless competitor. She's a celebrity attraction at the ranch to bring in business. She's an egomaniac who has difficulty being nice to anyone (unless there's something in it for her). She's married to Delbert, but has often strayed.
Delbert Doomshot - Married to Kelly. Attends to her every whim. Quite the cuckold. He has a silly laugh. He was kicked in the head by Kelly's horse and has a recurring case of amnesia. He has often caught Kelly in the act of adultery, but always forgets about it.
Bandy The Rodeo Clown- Distracts the bulls in the rodeo ring. Also doubles as an entertainer, doing bad magic tricks and balloon art for the guests. He is either unable, or chooses not, to speak. He seems jovial but there may be more to him that meets the eye.
Duke Carson- Owner and operator of the Melody Ranch. An enthusiastic, fun-loving man. He runs the ranch with his daughter, Louise. He is not a very good businessman. The ranch has always been a struggle, but in recent years, it has fallen on hard times. Carson is heavily in debt, and has his mortgage holders breathing down his neck.
Louise Carson- Duke's daughter. She's a bookkeeper and quite efficient. Strung pretty tight. Would lead us to believe she has no interest in romance, but beneath her accountant-like exterior, there is a tiger waiting to attack. Slight case of Tourettes'.
Harriet Harlott - President of the Dry Gulch National Bank. Anxious to foreclose on the Melody Ranch. Is staying at the ranch free of charge in lieu of partial mortgage payment. She's a ball-buster through and through, who takes no prisoners.
Gabby The Cook- Loves to talk and does so constantly. However, no one can understand a word he says.
Ricky Frickman- A librarian from Philadelphia. He has read many western novels, and has seen lots of cowboy films. He envisions himself as a cowboy hero, a la Hopalong Cassidy. He has come to Melody Ranch for a taste of the real west. He has a speech impediment making him reminiscent of Elmer Fudd.
Sheila Shtuppmeister- A famous German saloon singer touring America for the first time. She is a versatile performer, and she sings well too.
Hoss Slimmember- Chief wrangler at the ranch. Tough as they come. Eats nails for breakfast. Has recently cultivated a preference for showtunes.