Betty Biggins - Senior English teacher. Gorgeous, well endowed, and totally unassuming. Straight-laced and prudish. Very scholarly and well focused on her job. Frustrated by her many non- teaching duties. The object of many-o-fantasy by both students and staff.
Phil Lipsucker - Biology teacher. Ladies man through and through (and from 6-60). Pseudo-shrink with everyone he encounters. Very touchy-feely. Low BS tolerance in the educational bureaucracy. A child of the ‘60’s
Dr. Elizabeth (Liz) Kabitchka - Assistant Principal. Self-important. Speaks edu-babble. Enjoys pulling rank. Creates meaningless busy work for staff. Married to Walter. Wandering hands with male staff. Closet dominatrix.
Ted Feelinfrau - Head custodian. Lazy...unenlightened....a philanderer.... cousin of the Board of Ed. President. Rarely without his walkie talkie. Liz has his number and uses him to her advantage.
Dave Toastmilker - Math teacher. Nerd. Liz’ protoget. Very shy. Eyes for Betty. Stutters.
Penny Withany - Another English teacher. School newspaper advisor. In charge of teacher sign-in. A pretty poor teacher, but quite the apple polisher. A snitch and in good stead with Liz. Probably somewhat promiscuous.
Peter Piquer - Head of security. Ex-marine. Overly official. Wants desparately for staff to repect him, to little avail.
Walter Kabitchka - Liz’ husband. Night janitor. Patronage job. Wimp and whipped. Abused by just about everyone, especially Liz.
Jazzy Jayy - DJ booked to play the halloween party. Also, undercover detective investigating corruption in the Heather Glen School District.